


Humanity

by Sassy_Lil_Scorpio



Series: The Choices We Make [3]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Choices, Companion Piece, Decisions, Execution, Executioner - Freeform, Gen, Humanity, Loneliness, Philosophy, emotional repurcussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 16:08:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13414836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassy_Lil_Scorpio/pseuds/Sassy_Lil_Scorpio
Summary: On the night of Shane's execution, Dale reflects on the group's decision that murder is an acceptable solution to ridding themselves of its most troubled member. In speaking with Glenn and T-Dog, he gets a sense of what they truly feel. By the end of the night, Dale is shocked to find that the group has two less people. {Companion piece to "The Right Choice"} {One-shot} {AU}





	Humanity

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Shane Walsh, Dale Horvath, Rick Grimes, and all other characters from The Walking Dead are from the creative imagination of Robert Kirkman. This author makes no claim of ownership. No monetary gain is being made from this work.
> 
> Dedication: For Jeffrey DeMunn, Laurie Holden, Steven Yeun, and IronE Singleton. Your portrayals of Dale, Andrea, Glenn, and T-Dog are amazing. I miss all of your characters on The Walking Dead and wonder how things would be if you were still present on the show.
> 
> Author's Notes: This fanfiction is another companion piece The Right Choice. (The other is To Kill, or Not to Kill.) This fic came to my mind when I thought about what Dale might've been thinking and doing on the night of Shane's execution, since he refused to attend. This fanfic references parts from both fics.
> 
> Two songs from the anime Attack on Titan Season 2 soundtrack "Bird in a Cage" and "Call of Silence" inspired this fanfic. Both are beautiful songs. "Bird in a Cage" (Vogel im Kafig) is sung in German. I posted part of the song and its English translation below. The entire song can be found online.
> 
> The Psychological Experience of Security Officers Who Work with Executions by Michael Osofsky is an article is mentioned and quoted in this fanfiction, and can be found online.

**oOo**

_Every living being dies someday_  
_Whether we are ready to die or not_  
_that day will surely come_

 _Is that the angel who flew down from the twilight sky?_  
_Is that the devil who crawled out of the crevice?_

 _Tears, anger, compassion, cruelty_  
_Peace, chaos, faith, betrayal_  
_We will fight against our fate_  
_We must not give in to our fate_

 _With sorrow and confidence in our hearts_  
_we show the will to move on_  
_No one shall willfully be deprived of their life_

\- "Bird in a Cage"  Hiroyuki Sawano, Cyua 

**oOo**

Dale didn't want to sit in Hershel's dining room after what had occurred there.

The group had sentenced to death one of their own in that same room. It left him with an overwhelming sense of helplessness, knowing the group found it agreeable to _execute/kill/murder_ its most troubled member: Shane Walsh. Dale used all three words interchangeably, although he knew the outcome was the same. The fallen leader was facing the death penalty for his attempted murder of Randall. There were other charges against Shane, one of which—Otis' murder—Dale was responsible for the group finding out about, due to his own suspicions about what really happened that night at the school. Shane had done his best to keep his secrets to himself, but in the end, everything he had kept hidden was now out in the open. Now the entire group knew what he had done against Rick, Lori, Otis, and Randall.

It had been Rick's decision to discuss the situation as a group, gain feedback, and find out if anyone felt differently. During that meeting, it was clear to Dale that Rick had already made up his mind. He felt that Rick came off a little too eager to gain a majority of votes for the execution. The meeting was just a formality and nothing more. Either way it didn't matter. Shane was scheduled to die at Rick's hands tonight, and nothing Dale said or did would change that fact.

Still, he made himself sit there as he tried unsuccessfully to eat his dinner of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and green peas. He didn't want to sit in that dining room, but he forced himself to do so, so that he could observe everyone else around him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Andrea hadn't touched the food in her plate. She sat next to him, not speaking to him or anyone. Instead, she stared straight ahead, a blank expression on her face. Lori and Carl sat at one end of the table. Lori ate her food slowly, and Carl, similar to Andrea, hadn't eaten much. He played with his food using his fork to push around the peas. Across from him, Maggie sat next to Glenn. Dale observed she was trying to cheer up Glenn, but it wasn't working. Glenn appeared sullen, his eyes downcast—totally unlike himself. Carol sat at the opposite end, directly across from Lori. She looked out of place and Dale noticed there was an empty seat next to her. He figured she was waiting for Daryl. The only ones Dale heard talking were Hershel and Patricia. Jimmy sat next to them, squeezing Patricia's hand. He couldn't quite make out their conversation, but he heard Patricia say:

 _"_ _I know…I have to be there for Otis."_

Dale knew she was referring to Shane's execution and he couldn't help but feel disappointed about the entire situation. He wondered what had become of the group that he had joined. When they had first come together, they were a makeshift family. Dale had found Amy and Andrea, and they in turn had found Glenn and T-Dog. The group of five eventually befriended Lori and Carol. Dale remembered that Lori and Carol had a good rapport as they were both mothers and their children, Carl and Sophia, had become friends. The Dixon brothers, Merle and Daryl, remained aloof and didn't really fit in. Daryl was coming onto his own now that Merle was gone.

There were others who were no longer with the group. Morales had left with his family to go to Alabama. Jim had asked to be left behind after being bit by a walker. Jacqui had chosen suicide: she chose to stay in the CDC with Dr. Jenner, when the building exploded.

That left Dale's observations of Shane and Rick.

Dale had always prided himself on being a sharp observer of people. Although his earlier interactions with Shane were amiable, he couldn't help but feel uneasy around the sheriff deputy. Dale believed that when people showed you who they were, believe it. Don't make excuses. In the case of Shane, Dale noticed how quick he was to make himself the leader of the group. Not that it was a bad thing, as Dale felt that Shane _should_ take the lead since he was a law enforcement officer. It's just that once Rick returned…Dale sensed how _off_ Shane was. Rick was excited to be reunited with his family and they were thrilled to see him—Carl, more so than Lori. Shane…Dale knew he and Lori had snuck into the woods several times to have sex. The entire group knew it. Now with Rick back, where did that leave Shane? Dale had observed his anger and jealousy firsthand when he aimed his gun at Rick's back. From there, he never trusted Shane again and viewed him as an emotionally unstable and dangerous man.

But that didn't mean he believed Shane should be killed.

Glancing around the dining room table, Dale wondered again about group that had come together with the common goal to survive the hell they lived in now. They were from different walks of life, but they all wanted the same thing: to get through each day alive. As the group had grown, so did the relationships within the group. They could be there for each other, back each other up, protect each other, and even love each other. Now it was completely different. Dale saw the group as being broken. There were tensions between several of them: Lori and Shane, Lori and Andrea, Rick and Shane. T-Dog and Glenn didn't get involved in the group's turbulent dynamics. Daryl was a loner; although he seemed to intermingle more with the group as time went on, especially with Carol. Carol seemed to be looking for her purpose in life, now that she finally found out what happened to her daughter: dead, yet not dead, a walker hidden in Hershel's barn until Shane busted it open.

_Shane._

Just as the name flashed through Dale's mind, Rick, Daryl, and T-Dog entered the dining room. Dale observed their appearances. T-Dog appeared exhausted, Daryl seemed nonchalant, and Rick was determined. He wondered what was going on in their minds, how they were faring emotionally. Dale made a mental note to check in with T-Dog later, as he had formed a friendship with him and they got along well.

Lori rose from her seat. "Can I make you guys a plate?"

Rick shook his head. "We're not staying for long." He turned to Daryl and T-Dog. "You guys grab something to eat, then meet me outside by the porch."

Daryl and T-Dog left the dining room and returned with three bottled waters, an apple, a banana, and an orange. Dale thought it was strange that after guarding Shane all day that Daryl and T-Dog didn't have much of an appetite. Or maybe it was because of what lay ahead…

Rick turned to face the rest of the group. "We're gonna go over some last minute details. When you're all finished, go out to the field. Daryl, T-Dog, and me will be out there soon."

"With Shane?" Andrea asked, not hiding the venom in her voice.

Dale's eyebrows rose in surprise. It was the first time she had spoken aloud since sitting down for dinner with the group.

"Yes, with Shane," Rick said, mirroring her ire. "Tonight's the night."

"I'm glad it's a celebratory occasion for you," Andrea said, pushing away from the table. She left the dining room, oblivious to everyone's stares and headed upstairs to her room.

Dale took that as his cue to leave. He grabbed his M77 Hawkeye bolt-action rifle and followed her. Maybe he could talk with her now. After the vote had been decided, Andrea had secluded herself. She had been the most emotional and outspoken person as she was against the idea. She and Dale were the only ones who were against it, but she was more effected by it, having developed a connection with Shane.

 _It seems like eons ago when the group made that decision_ , he thought remembering what brought it about. Rick had been making plans to drop off Randall, when Shane had snuck into the barn to kill Randall on his own. T-Dog and Daryl had stopped him just in time. On Rick's orders, they had tied him up, moved Randall to the shed, and then headed back to have that meeting. Dale was caught up in his thoughts and didn't realize Andrea had turned around to face him.

"Do you have to follow me everywhere, Dale? It's like you're like my damn shadow."

"I'm just checking on you. I know tonight—"

"I don't want you checking on me, okay? As for tonight, all of them can rot in hell—especially Rick." Andrea's last sentence was spoken through clenched teeth.

Dale was silent as he stood in the hallway. He watched as Andrea rushed into her room, and then came out again.

"I need time alone. I don't want to be around anyone right now."

"Okay, Andrea. Fair enough." He nodded and turned away.

Starting towards the stairs, Dale had a sudden change of heart. His mind was swirling with thoughts of Andrea, her relationship with Shane, and his curiosity about her last conversation in the barn with him. For some reason he couldn't explain, Dale knew something was up, but he didn't know what. He just knew he had to talk to Andrea, convince her not to act irrationally.

He started towards her door again, raised his hand to knock, and then his arm dropped by his side. Last time he had interfered in her choices had been at the CDC, and things hadn't been the same between them since. Although they had started out on good terms, Andrea grew more annoyed at Dale's attempts to protect her. Well, he felt he was protecting her, and she felt he was taking her choices away for his own reasons. Maybe it was best to give Andrea her space. He could always check on her later.

He decided to do exactly that.

**oOo**

Dale returned downstairs and watched the group leave the house to go to the field where Rick planned to carry out Shane's execution. No one acknowledged him. It didn't bother him as he was confident on where he stood on the matter. Glenn and Maggie were the last ones as they seemed to take their time leaving. Just as Glenn was passing by, Dale decided to talk with him.

"Glenn, can I have a word with you?"

"Sure." He released Maggie's hand and went to Dale.

Dale thought Glenn looked relieved.

"Go ahead, Maggie. I'll join you there."

Maggie glanced at Dale, uncertain about why he wanted to speak with Glenn. She was going to address it, but then decided to let it go. "I'll wait for you outside." Maggie left the house and sat on the front porch.

Glenn now approached Dale who stood in the living room of Hershel's home. "What's up?"

"I was watching you during dinner…you look awful. What's wrong?"

"I _feel_ awful. You know what's wrong, Dale…do you really have to ask?"

Dale thought about what to say. He cared about Glenn in a father-son type of way. In fact, Dale found most of his interactions with the group to be parental. He knew it was because was the oldest one; and he never had any children of his own although he really wanted to have them with Irma early in their marriage... He and Glenn always had honest interactions. This one shouldn't be any different, given that Glenn often sought out Dale for advice.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to."

"Are you going?" Glenn asked. He shot a glance at the front door, knowing that Maggie was waiting for him outside.

"No, I'm not. You know I don't support this. Shane and I had our issues, but murder isn't the answer."

Glenn sighed. "I wish I could take it back…"

"Take what back?"

"My vote…I voted for this—" Glenn looked away, ashamed to face Dale. "When you told the group you didn't agree with it, I wanted to change my vote. I wanted to tell them that Shane…this isn't…" He shrugged now, unsure of himself.

"I know, Glenn. I could tell this wasn't what you truly wanted."

"I did it for Maggie…" he hesitated, not wanting to finish his sentence. "I love her." Glenn now turned to the older man who had become a friend, mentor, and father figure to him. "I voted for Maggie, for her family, for Patricia..." He took a deep breath and finally released what was burdening him: "I'm killing a man for her, Dale. I'm no different than Shane."

"Wait—what?!" Dale was truly caught off guard by Glenn's perception.

"Remember at the meeting when Andrea brought up what might've happened that night Shane went to the school with Otis? I said I was afraid to die at the bar because I thought of myself and couldn't act. I was afraid to die because of Maggie. Shane might've killed Otis because he thought of Carl when he was getting the supplies. Shane didn't want to die that night, he didn't want Carl to die that night—and I didn't want to die either."

"Hold on, that's not the same—you didn't shoot Hershel or Rick—you didn't kill them. And you didn't leave them out there as bait for walkers."

"But I agreed with Rick's plan to kill Shane," Glenn threw in, as though Dale hadn't said anything. "So how am I different from him?"

Dale now approached Glenn. The entire time Glenn had spoken, he had stepped away from him, putting distance between them.

"You're different from Shane. You can't compare yourself to him…Shane's a troubled man. I realize now that he's not completely bad. Some of his choices weren't the best and his personality leaves a lot to be desired—but you _are_ different from him, Glenn. Don't ever question that."

"Am I, Dale? Are any of us really different from him? What if I did the same for Maggie what Shane did for Carl if I was in that situation? What would that make me?"

Dale was stunned into silence. He wanted to support Glenn, by validating his thoughts and feelings. He didn't know why he wasn't able to. It dawned on him that he hadn't been in a situation where he'd been forced to make a split-second life-or-death choices—where someone else's life depended on it. Dale also lived by a strong moral and ethical code which Shane had thrown away in the name of survival. That same sense of morality is what pushed Dale to advocate for Randall's life.

There were other reasons why Shane was facing his demise tonight, but the murder of Otis was a major one. Dale wanted to ask Glenn what he thought of the other accusations: Shane's attempted rape of Lori at the CDC, throwing a wrench at Rick, trying to kill Randall on his own, holding a gun at Rick's back. He decided to bring up one of those charges.

"Glenn, he's also facing his final night because he tried to kill Randall."

"And Randall tried to kill us," Glenn shot back, "so did his group."

Dale was immediately silenced—Glenn was right.

He thought of Andrea again and remembered her stating that Shane should've been allowed to be present to speak for himself regarding everything the group held against him. But that didn't happen—and it would never happen after tonight. It wasn't until he was asked for his vote that he had openly agreed with her about Shane being given the chance to tell his side. And after speaking with him about Otis, Dale realized Shane probably had an explanation for all his choices and actions. Except that no one had heard him out. Or rather, the only person who did—Rick—wasn't swayed.

Glenn's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"The way things are now in this world—if we're in a situation where we kill another person to save someone we love—when we do that, are we going to execute each other the way Rick is executing Shane tonight? Because if that's the case, there won't be anyone left."

Both men looked at each other, saddened by what soon to take place and feeling helpless to stop it. There was nothing more to be said on the matter. To continue meant going in circles with no resolution. The sound of a door opening and closing echoed in the silent living room. Maggie came over and took Glenn's hand.

"I'll take care of him, Dale."

Dale nodded, nothing that Glenn's downcast mood hadn't changed. "Thanks, Maggie."

He watched as Glenn and Maggie headed for the front door. Glenn looked over his shoulder once at Dale and shook his head. Then they were gone. Dale went to the front door and saw them walk across the field. Now completely by himself in Hershel's home—save for Beth who was resting—Dale decided to take a walk around the property to process this recent conversation.

**oOo**

Dale couldn't recall a darker atmosphere since the outbreak started. Blackness blanketed Hershel's farm, save for the moonlight that shown every now and then. Tonight had an eerie quality that he could feel physically in his inner-being. His heart broke into palpitations and he had to take several deep breaths before continuing onward. Eventually the knocking on his chest ceased and he felt calm again. Dale wasn't easily rattled, but tonight was different.

He had left Hershel's home several minutes ago and now walked around the farm property, staying near the wooden fence. Carrying his rifle with him, Dale made sure not to go in the direction he had seen Glenn and Maggie head towards earlier. He wanted to show Rick and everyone that he was a man of his word—he refused to attend Shane's execution.

Looking up at the sky, he noticed the white round full moon hanging low in the sky. Dark clouds passed in front of it and the air felt unusually cold for this time of year. The weather matched his mood. Dale thought to what happened earlier in the day: he had told Shane the truth when he spoke with him for the last time in the barn: _"I take no pleasure or enjoyment for what they're planning to do to you."_ How could he celebrate the anticipated death of someone—even if it was someone he didn't like or trust? Even if that someone hated him all the way up until their last conversation?

"No hope," Dale muttered to himself as he wandered around the property. "No humanity…"

 _Where did they go?_ He wondered. He admitted to himself that he felt curious, but he didn't want to satisfy it. At that moment, he thought he heard footsteps heading in his direction. Dale quickly located the nearest tree and went to stand behind it, not wanting to be seen by anyone in the group. Pressing his back against the tree, Dale counted to ten inside his mind. He was on _six_ when he heard the familiar crunching sound of gravel being walked on. Dale peered from behind the tree and saw what he didn't want to see, but there it was several feet in front of him and the thought flashed across his mind before he could squash it.

_Dead man walking._

Dale watched from his secluded spot as T-Dog, Daryl, and Rick escorted Shane. Rick led the way in the front. T-Dog followed him and held Shane's upper right arm in a tight grip. Shane was blindfolded and gagged with his hands tied behind his back. Dale realized that he didn't know what he expected to see: he had never witnessed a condemned man take his final walk.

Shane walked with confidence—or rather, his posture exuded self-assurance. The adage "head up, shoulders back" described him accurately. However, he appeared unsteady on his feet as though he'd fall if he weren't held up by T-Dog. Dale didn't know how else to describe Shane's gait, but it was noticeable. He attributed that to soreness and cramping in Shane's legs. Dale remembered Rick had kept Shane bound for hours in the barn. Rick took no chances of him escaping, and even went as far as to having T-Dog and Daryl take alternating shifts guarding him. As they walked past, he saw Daryl in the rear holding his crossbow at Shane's back. If Shane so much as turned around, he risked getting shot directly in the face.

Dale shivered and it wasn't from the cool night air. He instinctively knew Daryl and T-Dog were acting on Rick's orders—and he still didn't believe this was the answer. Not only because he was against capital punishment, but where was one's humanity if murder was an easy option to use? He now realized what Glenn was telling him earlier: if the group could easily turn against one of their own, what would stop them from completely warring against each other? He was surprised to find that he felt afraid, although he wasn't the condemned. It wasn't him scheduled to die. Shane himself didn't show fear, so Dale wasn't sure why he felt this way. Maybe it was the permanency of the situation. Once Rick completed the execution, there would be no way to undo it.

He watched as they made their way toward the field. When he was certain they were out of earshot, Dale made his way to the shed where Randall was being held prisoner.

**oOo**

It didn't take long to reach the shed. It was in the opposite direction of the barn. The first thing he noticed was that it was locked and bolted shut. Dale was surprised that Rick didn't have someone guard Randall after Shane had tried to kill him, but then he remembered where everyone was.

There was a tiny crack between the shed's doors and Dale peaked in. At first, he couldn't see anything, and then after some time, he was able to make out the outline of Randall. Randall was hunched over and Dale thought he was sleeping. There was nothing else he could do at this time. Like Shane, he was restrained, but unlike Shane, he would live to see the next day.

Dale thought about how he had advocated for Randall to live, and that he had even convinced Shane to give him a chance to change everyone's minds. Everyone seemed to think Randall was a threat, but Shane was convinced that he was extremely dangerous and would bring his group of thirty (or was it forty?) men back to the farm and obliterate everyone. Maybe, if given the chance, Randall could contribute to the group. Dale wanted to explore that option, but the rest of the group was against it. Instead, Rick had already decided to drop off Randall at a far-off location—past the point where he and Shane tried the first time. Far away from the farm, Randall couldn't harm anyone. If anything, dropping him off in the middle of nowhere was a death sentence in itself.

Dale hoped Rick was right in this situation and that Shane was wrong…

He left the shed and decided to continue waking around the farm. The property was large and expanded for several acres. It seemed he could explore the entire area for the entire night if he chose. Dale thought about Glenn and their conversation. He was glad he spoke to the younger man; that he had reached out to him. Everyone was processing the situation in their own way. Dale wanted Glenn know that he was there for him. Glenn's words reverberated in his mind:

_The way things are now in this world—if we're in a situation where we kill another person to save someone we love—when we do that, are we going to execute each other the way Rick is executing Shane tonight? Because if that's the case, there won't be anyone left._

Given what Glenn stated, Dale now thought back to the last conversation he had with Shane. To the surprise of both men, they had ended on respectful terms. Dale found out he had been both right and wrong. Shane _did_ in fact kill Otis in order to escape from the school alive—but he wasn't indifferent about it, although he remained staunch about his reasons: to ensure Carl lived. For the first time, Dale learned that Shane was haunted by what he had done—and that he even felt remorseful for killing Otis. He also learned how terrifying that night at the school had been for both men and how they tried to help each other get out alive.

Much to Dale's shock, Shane told him he understood that the older man tried to live by strong morals—that it would work if they still lived in the old world. They had finally come to an understanding of each other. But wasn't there a time where they had understood—and even agreed with each other? Dale thought about it and then it came back to him: Andrea and the guns shortly after the group lost Sophia. He had taken Andrea's gun, the one her father had gave her. Shane expressed Dale should hold onto them, stating the less guns floating around, the better.

Dale stopped in his tracks and stared at his own rifle. It was amazing how much had changed in a short amount of time. Because later on, when he removed the guns from the camp, Shane tracked him down to get them back. That day, Dale was close to shooting Shane, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't—and wouldn't—allow Shane, Andrea, Rick, or anyone change who he was. He remembered his words to Shane:

 _This world_ , _what it is now, this is where you belong. And I may not have what it takes to last for long, but that's okay. 'Cause_ _at least_ I _can say when the world goes to shit, I didn't let it take me_ _down_ _with it._

He had to remain firm now, just as he did that day. He knew nearly everyone was against him regarding how to handle Randall and Shane. The only one on his side, (but for her own reasons) was Andrea. Dale had learned long ago that it was better to be respected and hated for who he truly was, than to be adored and loved for what he wasn't. He needed to be himself. He wouldn't allow the new world distort his personality, his worldview, and how he handled things. If he did, how could he look at himself in the mirror? _Better to die as you are, than to live a lie,_ he thought as he resumed waking again.

He wouldn't lose himself—even if it cost him his life. There were choices in this world that could make or break a person. Shane had made his own and it led to his destruction. Dale reflected that his choice was to hold onto his humanity. To not join in the vileness and cruelty of it all. To value human life. He couldn't change the world or his circumstances; he could only control who he was and how he responded.

Even when life laid down heartbreaking situations in his path, Dale did his best to keep hope alive. It was never easy. He remembered Irma and the miscarriage she had, and how they were afraid to try conceiving again. Years later, she died of cancer and Dale had fought for her, although she had accepted her terminal diagnosis and prognosis long before her death. The best laid plans he had made had been wiped away: he wanted to take Irma on a road trip across the United States with his new RV, but since she was deceased, he decided to go on his own. At that point, he was retired and he was tired: tired of life stealing from him. Robbing him of those he loved, taking off with his dreams and squandering them. Dale sank into a numbing depression, not wanting to care for anyone else again. He decided to go out on his own.

During the time he traveled by himself, the world turned upside down and the dead began to rise. It was unbelievable and frightening, a living nightmare, but his will to survive was stronger. That's when he encountered Amy and Andrea. The sisters helped him to care again—to _love_ again—so that he wouldn't be alone.

He felt Andrea's heartache in his own heart when Amy was killed, but when Andrea wanted to die in the CDC, there was no way he was going to lose her. He had been through so many losses already and he couldn't bear it if he lost Andrea. It was one thing if she had been killed by a walker and reanimated as one, it was a totally different for her to take her own life. It was selfish and he felt angry at her for wanting to end it all, to take herself away from him. Later, Andrea would point out that Dale was being selfish, that she left the CDC to save _him_. That it was her choice to die if she wanted to and he had taken it from her. He had robbed her of the choice to commit suicide in her mind, although in his mind, he had preserved her life. She was furious with him and things hadn't been the same since between them. It was why he respected her choice to be alone tonight…

Dale sighed, deciding it was time to head back to Hershel's home. Luckily, it wasn't too far away. He needed a good night's rest after mulling over everything. As he neared the porch, Dale heard a woman speaking softly and the sound of a child crying.

"Carl…Carl, please listen to me."

Dale recognized Lori's voice.

There was more crying; it sounded louder.

"Lori?"

Lori looked up as Dale approached them. She sat cross-legged on the porch with her son. Carl was huddled in the corner and Lori was trying to coax him out. She looked shocked that he was there, and then turned back to Carl. Carl was curled up in a ball and had his face buried in his hands. His body trembled as sobs wracked his body.

"Carl?" Dale felt concerned and hoped he could help. "What's wrong?"

Carl looked up, tears streaming down his cheeks. He shook his head, refusing to speak.

"I tried getting him inside," Lori said. "So that he doesn't have to see it."

"See Shane's…?" He didn't have the heart to finish his sentence.

Lori bit her lip and nodded. She looked ahead of Dale, as though wanting to avoid his questions.

"His last request was that Carl not be present. I don't know what Rick was thinking, bringing our son out there."

Dale nodded. "He—Shane, I mean, did the right thing."

"I have to agree with you there," Lori said, and Dale thoughts she sounded…regretful? Reluctant to admit Shane was right? He couldn't tell.

Deciding to lighten the mood, he asked, "Is it okay if I hang around for a bit? Andrea wants to be left alone, everyone's out in the field."

"Sure," Lori said. "I might see Beth later. She's by herself. I'm sure she's alright, but I just wanted to help Hershel since he's out there with the others."

"Thanks," Dale said. He smiled half-heartedly and wondered what was going on in the field now. Rick probably had everything ready. He remembered Rick saying he would shoot Shane in the head—an instant, (and hopefully) a painless death. He tried not to think about it and brought up Randall. "I went by the shed earlier—I doubt he has a clue about what's happening right now."

Lori shook her head, clearly annoyed. "That kid's the reason why we're in this mess. I know Rick wants to protect the group, but Shane undermined him by taking matters into his own hands."

Dale said nothing. He remembered what Lori had shared at the meeting—the CDC incident. He remembered Lori voting in favor of the execution. He also remembered Lori and Shane carried on as though they were a couple and how that all ended once Rick returned. Shane was the odd man out, and Lori was in the middle of a huge emotional mess. Dale didn't know if that had anything to do with why Shane—according to Lori—tried to rape her at the CDC. He wasn't one to get involved in that situation. The three of them were adults and needed to handle it on their own.

Then he thought about Randall.

The first time when the group was figuring out what to do about Randall, no one listened to him. They didn't listen to him again when they decided Shane's fate. As for as Shane undermining Rick…Dale found Shane's aggressive behavior to be threatening, but Rick's indifferent demeanor in planning Shane's execution shook Dale to his inner core. He had only known Rick Grimes for a short time, and while he liked and respected him…his actions against Shane made Dale question who he truly was. Sometimes he wished he hadn't brought it to Rick's attention about Shane holding the gun at him, just as he wished he didn't confide in Lori his belief that Shane murdered Otis—before he knew the full situation.

Carl suddenly looked up and wiped his face. "Mom, I want to see him."

Lori's tone was stern, but her eyes told a different story. "He doesn't want you there, Carl."

"Who doesn't?" Dale was puzzled.

"Shane…"

"Oh right, yes." Dale wondered how he had forgotten so quickly that Lori had told him about Shane's final request.

"It's better that you stay here, Carl," Dale said, joining Lori. "You don't need to be arou—"

He was cut off midsentence by the distant boom of a gunshot. Carl twisted around to see which direction it came from. He covered his ears, as though afraid he'd hear the gunshot again, but there was nothing but silence.

Lori and Dale looked at each other wide-eyed. Neither of them spoke aloud what they knew to be true: Rick had just executed Shane. Carl inched himself out of the corner hugged his mother, and Lori wrapped her arms around him protectively.

Dale looked out into the field. He wondered if they would bring back Shane's body for burial. Would he be granted that final respectful act? Dale heard Carl crying again. Behind him, it sounded as though Lori released Carl. Just as quickly he stopped crying and stepped away from his mother. Carl went to the edge of the porch and wiped his face. Lori and Dale joined him and watched the group make their way back to the house.

Patricia was led by Hershel and Jimmy on either side. Maggie and Glenn trailed behind them. Glenn made eye contact with Dale and then looked away. Moments later, Daryl showed up with Carol, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. His crossbow was slung over his shoulder in its usual position when he wasn't using it. T-Dog was behind them. Hershel turned to T-Dog as he opened the front door.

"Let me get Patricia inside, and then I'll get you the sheet that Rick asked for."

T-Dog nodded as he watched Hershel and Jimmy bring Patricia inside. "Take your time, I'll be right here."

Dale watched Patricia carefully. Her skin was pale and her eyes were redden and puffy from crying. She was still crying when she approached the porch with Hershel and Jimmy. She leaned on them for support to bring her inside. Dale wondered if Patricia was satisfied now that her husband's murderer had been publicly executed. He didn't think she was—nothing could ever bring back Otis. Killing Shane meant one less person in the group, but that was all. There was no true closure, but he knew he couldn't speak on her behalf.

"Where's Rick?" Lori asked, her eyes flickered from T-Dog to Daryl.

"He's out there with him," Daryl said. "I think he's gonna spend the night out there."

"All night?!"

Daryl nodded and turned to T-Dog. "Is that what he told you?"

T-Dog sighed. "Yeah, that's what he wants to do. I came back to get him a sheet, so he can, you know…"

Lori covered her mouth in shock and her eyes were shiny with tears. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Wrap Shane's body," Dale answered. "Like a shroud?"

"You can say that," T-Dog said. He glanced at Lori and then at Dale.

At that moment, Hershel came back outside and gave him the white sheet. "Tell him he can come inside whenever he's ready or if he wants to be out there all night, that's fine. I'll send Maggie out later on to give him a blanket. It gets cold here at night, I don't want him getting sick on account of remaining at Shane's side."

T-Dog said nothing as he stared at the white sheet as it billowed in his hands when the wind picked up.

Carl stepped over to T-Dog. "I wanna go with you," Carl said. "Mom, I'm—"

"Carl, no. You can't go."

Carl shot his mother a piercing glare, and then looked from T-Dog to Dale, hoping or expecting them to side with him. When they said nothing, he dashed into Hershel's home, slamming the front door behind him.

"I'm sorry," Lori said, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "I'll go talk to him." She abruptly left them to go find Carl.

"Talk later, T-Dog," Daryl said.

T-Dog nodded and Daryl and Carol went inside the house.

Another awkward silence passed. Dale knew he had to break it before it worsened. Tonight was an emotional night, and the tension seemed to hang in the air like a thick fog. He decided he would talk to T-Dog. They had built a positive rapport over the past several weeks and developed a solid friendship.

"So…how was it?" Dale finally asked, unsure if he really wanted to know.

"That's a strange question to ask." The sadness in his voice was evident.

"I know…I couldn't bring myself to be there."

"If I had my way, I wouldn't have been involved." T-Dog shrugged, as though trying to appear nonchalant.

Dale's was genuinely surprised. "I didn't know you felt like that."

"Honestly, I don't know what I feel anymore."

Another awful silence. Once again, Dale forced himself to break it.

"What were his last words?"

"I'd rather not repeat them."

Dale wondered what Shane had said that made T-Dog not want to share.

"I'm sorry, Dale, it's not you…I just want this night to be over."

"That's understandable. We all feel that way."

T-Dog sighed and decided to open up about what had happened. "He apologized to Patricia about what he'd done to Otis. He said Randall would come back with his gang…that we'd all end up dead…that our women would be raped and that us men would be killed. He wasn't joking when he said it." He stopped when he saw Dale's eyes widen in shock. "You said you wanted to know."

"I _do_ want to know. I'm just thinking what to make of that—it sounds like a warning." Dale shook his head as he listened to T-Dog.

"I don't think anyone knew how to react because no one responded. Well, Daryl did, saying that Shane's giving speeches when these are supposed to be his last words. There was more said, but right after that Rick motioned for me to blindfold Shane." T-Dog took a deep breath and averted his eyes from Dale as he told the rest. "From there, Rick took out his gun…" He stopped and looked out into the field.

Dale felt regretful for asking him to share what had occurred. He didn't realize the emotional toll the execution had taken on T-Dog, although it was more apparent the more he shared. Now he remembered watching a show about the lives of executioners and correction officers who worked on death row. Watching the show had made him want to read more on the subject and he had found various articles online including one of an interview with a former executioner, who stated he kept his work a secret from his family.

Another article entitled _The Psychological Experience of Security Officers Who Work with Executions_ by Michael Osofsky reminded him of T-Dog. What stood out to him was the professionalism that most staff showed in their duties when it related to working with death row inmates, from guarding them all the way up to the actual execution itself. Many workers had strong emotional reactions to their work, some felt it was best to leave if they ever reached the point where they became cold and callous. For the most part, they staff did their best to treat the inmates with kindness and respect, even if they were considered the "worst of the worst" of society. There was more to the article, but one line resonated with Dale now: _"although most attempt to suppress painful feelings, they state it if ever becomes easy to participate in an execution, they would worry about themselves and their loss of humanity."_

The fact that T-Dog was feeling emotional stress following Shane's execution proved to Dale that he still had his humanity. He wasn't surprised since T-Dog always struck him as a genuine and caring individual, and similar to Hershel, he was a man of strong faith. Glenn had once shared with Dale that he had met T-Dog when he was evacuating older residents using his church van. He had found and rescued Glenn, and the two of them had been friends since that time. Without even asking him, Dale instinctively knew that T-Dog had treated Shane with kindness when he guarded him and led him to his execution. He wondered what those experiences were like, but wasn't sure if he should ask. Perhaps it was best for him not to go further. Dale was about to say so, when after a long silence T-Dog pushed himself to finish.

"His final words were _'the right choice is the one that keeps us alive'_. Rick kept making him repeat himself—with that quote, I mean, not the other stuff," he quickly clarified. "The first time he said it, you couldn't hear him. The second and third time—" He hesitated and looked around as though expecting to find Rick eavesdropping on their conversation. "Keep this between me and you, but it seemed like Rick was messing with him. Then again…he wants to stay out there all night with him—his body…I think he regrets what he did." T-Dog's voice was firm as he voiced his inner thoughts aloud. "I think he regretted it the moment he pulled the trigger."

Dale's eyebrows furrowed together as he thought about what T-Dog had revealed about Shane's final moments. "Some things we do in this lifetime can never be undone," he said, softly.

"You're right about that." Dale thought he had finished and then T-Dog shared more. He spoke slowly as he parceled out his thoughts. "I hope we can all move on from this night…I never want to do this again." He shook his head as he remembered everything vividly. "Guarding him for all those hours…first shift was the hardest…he looked like he wanted to kill me…if he wasn't tied up, he _would've_ killed me—we both knew it…still I tried to be kind to him, gave him water…"

Dale nodded as T-Dog confirmed what he knew to be true: he was a man of character. T-Dog might've been one of the quietest in the group, but he was thoughtful and put others well-being before himself. He looked up when he heard T-Dog continue. This time he spoke quicker as though wanting to finish this thoughts and be done with it all.

"Then having to take him out there knowing he wouldn't come back with us. I know during that meeting I said he's not the same anymore and that he wasn't always like this. Now we killed him so that he wouldn't harm any of us, but was it really the right thing to do?" He looked directly at Dale now.

In his mind, Dale tried to describe the expression on T-Dog's face and couldn't come up with anything accurate. He wanted to say "haunted" but it also looked like a combination of sadness, fear, regret, and even anguish. He wondered if Daryl was having a similar experience and figured if he was, that he would confide in Carol.

"Murder is never a solution, much less an easy one."

"It's not," T-Dog agreed. "I just hope he has peace."

"Who?" Dale wanted clarification. For some reason, he thought T-Dog meant Shane.

"Rick…I hope he comes to peace with what he did tonight. He was…" T-Dog stopped himself. "Let me go out there and give him this sheet. I'll find you later and we'll catch up then."

"Sounds like a plan," Dale said. "I'll be inside, probably in my room trying to process everything."

T-Dog headed out to the field. Dale watched him leave with the white sheet and then went inside Hershel's home. As he closed the door behind him, he wondered how he would process everything that Glenn, Lori, and T-Dog had shared with him. He had had enough turmoil for one evening and needed to rest his mind.

**oOo**

When Dale reached the top of the stairs, he was tempted to go into his room and shut the door. Lock the door and just get time away from everyone. He couldn't do that though, it wasn't in his nature to seclude himself. So he simply put his rifle on his bed while thinking of what else he wanted to do. Who else did he want to see before calling it a night? It hit him right away:

_Andrea._

He had promised himself to seek her out after everything was over. He would comfort her, tell her he understood Shane better now, and most of all, that he wanted her to trust him again. He wanted to rebuild the rapport that had been broken since their time at the CDC. Dale cared about Glenn and T-Dog; they were the sons he never had, much in the same way that Andrea and Amy were the daughters he never had. And if he truly loved them like family, then like a family, they would be able to mend this mess and move on from this awful night. With his mind made up, Dale left his room and rehearsed in his mind what he would tell her.

Dale knocked on Andrea's door and was amazed at the manner it eased open by itself. It wasn't locked. He flipped on the light switch and looked around. Andrea's bed was neatly made. There was a folded note on the pillow. Dale slowly approached the bed and sat down as he picked up the letter. He noticed his name written in capital letters. Clearly, the letter's writer—Andrea—wanted Dale to find it. He opened it up slowly, and then read it aloud in a quiet voice:

_Dear Dale,_

_By the time you read this letter, I'll be long gone from Hershel's farm. I don't know where I'll be, but I know that it will be far away from everyone who tried to make Shane out to be the bad guy when all he's tried to do was keep everyone safe. I respect Rick, but I don't believe he'll keep us safe. So I'm leaving in order to look out for myself. I can't wait on Rick to catch up with Shane's thinking…Aside from that, I want to thank you for helping me and Amy. I know we had our differences after what happened at the CDC. Sometimes I still feel angry at you for not allowing me to make my own choice, but I know you meant well. This world is hell to live in now and we can't go at it alone, but I'm going to try. We may never see each other again. It is what it is. Please don't waste time searching for me. I'll be fine. Spend that time with the rest of the group and remember me always, just as I'll always remember you._

_All my best, Andrea_

He had only read the first sentence when he felt tears burning in his eyes. Two tears slid down his cheek and he wiped them away quickly. He forced himself to remain calm and read the rest of the letter. His heart pleaded with him not to, but his mind urged him along, telling him that he had to finish reading it. The entire time questions rushed at him and he had no answers. How did Andrea leave the premises without anyone noticing? He had granted her privacy when she needed it, gave back her gun, and respected her recent choices. So why did she do this? What was she thinking?

It was now that Dale realized he was wrong in his assertion that killing Shane meant one less person in the group. No, the group had _two_ less people now. And he didn't know how he would explain this to Rick—or anyone for that matter. What would he say? Who would he tell first? Should he go out there and look for her? Where was she now? What if she ran into walkers, or worse yet, what if she ran into someone who wanted to harm her? The questions tortured his mind leading to more questions with no answers. As he thought about whom the group had lost tonight, his tears won the battle and released themselves. They hit the letter, smudging the ink, but he didn't care as two names kept repeating themselves in his mind:

Shane.

And Andrea.

**-Fin-**


End file.
